


Of Free Will and Base Emotions

by Silent_So_Long



Series: Five Times God!Castiel Felt Something [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-29
Updated: 2011-07-29
Packaged: 2017-10-21 22:40:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/230640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silent_So_Long/pseuds/Silent_So_Long
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Envy</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Free Will and Base Emotions

Castiel’s thoughts drifted aimlessly above the untamed souls that inhabited his body. Even though he could feel their own thoughts battering against his expansive mind, he’d learned quickly to damp them down and tune them out. He was a God now, and could do anything he wanted.

He felt sadness suddenly then, sadness at the memory of how things used to be. He remembered spending time with Dean, when things used to matter and be relevant. He remembered helping Dean when Dean had still needed him and hadn’t turned his back on him.

He closed his eyes, as he remembered standing invisible in the back yard that Dean shared with the human woman, Lisa Braeden. Lisa had seemed okay to Castiel, although he suspected that Dean wasn’t entirely happy with her. He remembered watching Dean as the man raked leaves from the lawn, dark brown crackling shapes soon forming large piles at Dean’s bidding.

Castiel remembered the sense of envy he’d felt at the sight. Dean’s life seemed so simple in comparison with how it used to be, and compared to Castiel’s own continued existence. Even though Dean still felt the itch to go hunting and missed Sam, still lost to him, at least he was relatively peaceful. All he had to do was worry about getting Ben to school in time, making Lisa happy and raking the lawn.

By contrast, Castiel’s existence meant continued fighting against Raphael and his minions, trying to stop the Apocalypse from happening anyway, and talking the angels who had followed him into believing in free will. Dean had taught him that one, Castiel remembered. It was surprising how difficult it was to bring the other angels around to the idea of free will. It wasn’t a difficult concept to Castiel’s mind, before and after his ascension to God status.

Envy spiked through him again as he continued to think. Even though Sam had returned to Dean and they had continued to battle the Mother of All and a new breed of monsters, they still had it easy in comparison to Castiel. His hands bunched into fists by his sides and he tried to let the envy go.

After all, it would not do to show the angels a bad example through giving into such base emotions as envy. Castiel knew, intrinsically, that it would undo all of his hard work in teaching them free will and to think for themselves. They should not let emotions, ugly little things that they were, get in the way of their decisions. God himself could not let them get to him either.

Castiel let go of his envy, returning once more to his cool calmness of before.


End file.
